dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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