What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize