When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
