I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
