Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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