so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize