I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
