More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize