how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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