im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
