is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize