theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
