I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
