That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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