He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
