Plan B is the new Plan A
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
