What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
