Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
