i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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