Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
