I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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