I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
