He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
