the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
