my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i now understand why vodka
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
