My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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