SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
