This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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