At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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