There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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