so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
