I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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