Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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