There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
