This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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