I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
