you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
