You can't special order awesome
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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