2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She told me I should be a condom model.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
