I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
