I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
