just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
