Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
