i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
