I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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