Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
