How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize