new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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