You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
