so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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