dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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