Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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