well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and she was petting her beer can
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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