My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize