Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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