but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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