ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
