I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
