my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
