I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
