Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
