I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
