I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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