I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
