we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
