his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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