I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
