Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
