I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
