all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
