What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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