Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found puke in my bra..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
