P.S. I can't hear my feet
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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