I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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