did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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