just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
COCAINE IS GR8
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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