So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
