he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize