he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
