Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
