My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize
