by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
