That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
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