I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
