I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
