Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize