She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
