Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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