At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
