she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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