Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
