When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
