Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
