I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
