it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
