You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Holy sore nipples Batman
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
