He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
