Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
