ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize