This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
