sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
two words: eviction party
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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